"LIKE NOTHING I'VE EVER SEEN BEFORE!"
By William (Bill) Moore
"THE OUTSPOKEN SPORTSMAN"
4-25-02
Let me preface all of what is to follow with the assertion that I have been attending various kinds of wildlife banquets since the early 60's! In fact, I was actually a participant at the very first Ducks Unlimited dinner ever held in the state. It happened in the early sixties at The Old Hickory House restaurant and saloon in downstate Midland. We were so lacking in the understanding of how to put one of these events on that we actually tried to have our raffles and prize give-aways inside the bar without first getting the proper permits. This resulted in out being tossed out of the place bag and baggage and we wound up giving the prizes away in the parking lot of a local high school.
The point here is that I have indeed attended literally dozens of these events over the near half century I have been doing this sort of thing and I thought that I had seen everything there was to see, until a few days ago. That was when I found my self in attendance at the annual fund-raiser banquet of a group known as "The Marquette U.P. Boss Busters" a chapter of the National Wild Turkey Federation.
Now, let me clearly state that I have always been a big booster and supporter of our local chapter, "The Bay De Noc Gobbler" and of the N.W.T.F. in general. In fact, I was extremely honored to receive an achievement award from our local group in recognition of the work that I do each week here on the radio.
And, for that matter I have always done my best to promote the "Boss Busters, Marquette Chapter" with as much positive exposure as I was able to do.
In fact, I actually thought long and hard about even bringing this issue up as I genuinely like the people on their committee and it grieves me deeply to have to bring this critique and criticism of their program to your attention.
But I, as an outdoor, oriented, investigative, radio journalist, regularly take to task and expose the wrong-doing of the various bureaucrats who control the actions of the sporting public.
That having been said, when a situation arises that is orchestrated by "the good guys with the white hats", which I perceive to be inappropriate and perhaps even harmful to the rest of the sporting fraternity, I am compelled by, at the very least, a sense of fairness to report and disclose the details of said situation.
I can simply do no less!
And such is the case dealing with the recent turkey banquet I attended in Marquette.
I began by relating this next incident to you, not in any way, shape or form in an effort to blow my own horn or brag on myself, but it is very pertinent to the entire affair.
When I walked in the door the night of the banquet, the first thing I did was to hand one of the committee members an envelope with a hundred dollar, cash donation for them from The Outspoken Sportsman!
They felt good and so did I.
I then proceeded, as I always do at functions of this sort, to wander around the room looking at the wonderful prizes and raffle items available to the participants of the evening's festivities.
It was then that I noticed that a couple of DNR Conservation Officers (one of whom was none other than my old enemy Dan Polzien who's story is told in my book "I'm Mad As Hell And I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore!"), were making themselves very much in evidence and I casually wondered why they were there dressed in full inform including sidearm's, mace canisters, shiny, black boots and crisp, creased shirts and pants.
(God, that annoys me! This is a wildlife banquet, for crump's sake, I asked myself, why can't these people come to the ball dressed like human beings:)
My question was answered a few minutes later when I sat down at a table and began to look over the program for that night.
I read that there was going to be a presentation of a scholarship to a deserving youngster from the area and some kind of deal for the Boy Scouts, and then I noticed an item on the printed page that almost caused me to fall off my chair.
There, in bold print, for all to see was the announcement that a special presentation was to be made to those two DNR officer there that night!
They were going to be given, on behalf of the club, AN $800.00, MECHANICAL ROBO TURKEY!!
The deal was that the DNR had requested that the club put forth the needed dollars for two of these mechanical devices, but the group gave them only enough for one. It should be noted that the DNR enforcement people had made the same request of out local "Bay De Noc Gobblers" chapter" and were promptly refused.
Good on them!!
Now, some of you may be wondering why the actions of the Marquette club regarding this situation had my dress so far up over my head!
The bottom line here is that those mechanical birds are designed for one thing, and one thing only, no matter what anyone chooses to tell you to the contrary!
They are put here on this earth to entice, snare, entrap and encourage hunters to break the law so that they can be arrested by some lurking CO.
but, there is most assuredly another side of this coin that some folks would like to have you be aware of.
I read from a recent Mining Journal Article written by a Mr. Marty Kovarik:
"In the guise of being a hunter, a violator slowly cruises the farm roads in the central Upper Peninsula, On one particular farm, he had seen a few nice gobblers the week before, but wasn't brazen enough to shoot one before the season started. However, now he was ready with not only his turnkey tag, but his wife's also. With a little luck, he will fill both tags without wasting too much time and gas money. As he approaches a filed, he sees a fine gobbler strutting at the edge of the woods, (personal comment! Robo turkey's don't strut!" They obviously stay in one place and move their heads around!), one that he can brag about to all of his friends.
His gun case is already unzipped and he quickly grabs the shell he has ready on the dashboard.
The Tom's head turns to look at the car, and the poacher know he needs to shoot quickly before the turkey spooks.
With one smooth motion the barrel is pointed out the window and the gun is fired.
To the violator's amazement the turkey only stands like a statue.
A state conservation officer pops out of the bushes and a dark green truck quickly approaches.
Thanks to the U.P. Boss Busters, a chapter of the National Wild Turkey Federation, the above scenario may take place this spring.
The device will be used when the DNR receives complaints from landowners or concerned sportsmen. Due to the fact that turkeys typically hang out on farms and around feeders in private yards, TRESPASSING IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS"!
Now, let me make a couple of points here.
First, the game poacher is traditionally one of the most knowledgeable individuals when it comes to wildlife that you will ever find in the outdoors!
They have to be in order to cut down the odds of being busted for their nefarious activities.
I can assure you that any person who regularly engages in poaching activities involving any type of wildlife, and who might possibly have an I.Q. a degree or two above plant life, would realize at a glance that the "strutting" bird the worthy Mr. Kovarki refers to is fake and a phony and he would promptly pass by without any hesitation on his part.
If any of you have ever had the occasion to observe wild turkey's, you all are very aware that the birds almost never stand stock still for more than a few seconds, and they most certainly would never allow a car to pull up beside them and stop close enough for the occupant to his them with a shotgun.
In short, the only individual who will be apprehended by the use of this mechanical device are, unaware, rookie beginner who, most probably would have never engaged in the illegal attempts to score on a bird, had not this bogus opportunity been presented to him by the DNR.
Now, let me state that if I had the tiniest notion that this bird was going to be used only in cases where farmer or landowner actually requested help from the DNR to curtail illegal shooting of game on their own property, I would be absolutely for the whole program.
I don't like poachers anymore than the next guy.
But, if the past "robo equipment use" track record of the DNR Law Enforcement Division is any indication as to how this turkey-like device will be used, I can assure you that it will be utilized far more extensively than is indicated either here or at the presentation ceremony the night of the banquet.
I was particularly struck by the first words out of one of the CO's mouth when he accepted the device.
He walked up to the mike, took the remote control from the MC and stated, "THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!!"
And as far as I am concerned, that says it all!!
I would like to relate to you a couple of classic cases concerning the use of various "robo" and "sting" oriented equipment which occurred right here in our own area.
The first having to do with a DNR press release which was printed in several state outdoor magazines and newspapers proudly bragging about how Sgt. Darryl Shann and Officer Steve Martin spent an entire weekend hoopy-hiding in the brush watching a stuffed partridge they had stuck in the road in an effort to entice someone who might come by to "ground swat" the bird.
Nobody did and no arrests were made, and the only event of any real note was when one hunter stopped his car and let his dog out to chase the bird away.
The dog promptly attacked the helpless counterfeit, bogus birdie and proceeded to chew the every loving snot out of it while the concealed officer raised howls of protest, all of which fell on deaf doggie ears!!
Hooray Poochie!
The next instance had to do with the our county's "Robo-Deer" that the CO's from this area was so proud of.
It was during the deer hunting, rifle season that they chose to set up their little sting operation on a piece of private land.
But there were a couple of problems here. First, they didn't bother to get permission from the landowner before setting up Mr. Robo-Buck!
And second, they didn't realize that the owner of that land happened to be hunting in the woods behind the field where the mechanical deer was located.
so when the good citizen walked out of the woods, near the end of his hunting day and spotted the big, ten-point buck standing in his filed, he unlimbered his 30.06 and efficiently blew the device to hell and gone and there wasn't a thing the skulking DNR officer could do about it.
Shortly thereafter, these same DNR Enforcement people went to several wildlife organizations in our area asking for funds to repair the device and were promptly refused out of hand.
Again, good on them!
Now, the main point that needs to be made here is that by putting the Robo-Buck in that citizen's field without permission, the DNR was illegally trespassing!
Let's not forget for a moment the major statement we read earlier in the Kovarik article which indicated that trespassing was one of the most major problems that the DNR officers have to deal with.
Perhaps, the seriousness of this problem has more to do with exactly who is doing the trespassing
In essence, the CO's broke the law in order to entice some private citizen hinter to break the law and the question must be asked, which is worse and who is more at fault?
That's why the presentation of the fake turkey to the DNR that night sat so poorly with me.
That bird was purchased with donated dollars given to the club by the individuals in that room.
We are talking about sportspeople's dollars here, my friends.
And it is my considered opinion that no money of this sort should ever be used to purchase equipment for the DNR which might possibly be used to engage in what I truly believe to be cases of the illegal entrapment involving the very people who might have donated to that club.
There are about a thousand programs that I could think of which I consider to be far more deserving of donated sportsman's (and women's) dollars than some stupid, mechanical bird and it's a shame that an amount of money of this size was wasted on such a poorly conceived project!
It would have been far better, in my opinion to give that $800.00 to the kid with the scholarship!
(He was awarded on $250.00!!)
That would have truly been money well spent!
I discussed this matter with my wife and she came up with this analogy.
For many years she and her first husband were members of a sports car racing and rally group. The point that she made was that the purchase of the fake turkey for the DNR by turkey hunter, make about as much sense as her car blub buying a speed-detention radar unit for the local County Sherriff's Department.
I responded by saying that it makes even less sense when you consider that at least the radar unit could be utilized on a year-round basis whereas the mechanical turkey is designed to be used only during the turkey hunting season.
I can assure that had I read the program before I gave them my hundred dollars, I would most certainly have kept my money in my jeans and further, if I had been made aware of the plans for the night's donation to the DNR, I would not have even gone to the banquet!
I feel that strongly about it!
In my opinion, what went on that night was nothing short of a sincere slap in the face of each and every private individual who has ever given any of their hard earned money to that group!.
And I feel that my attitude was shared by the vast majority of people there that night as I saw many of those attending, sitting on their hand during the applause which followed the presentation and the ones that did clap did a pretty anemic job of it.
And I can also assure you that the two CO's wasted no time in vacating the premises at the end of the presentation.
The major question that I have for those folds on the committee who voted for this stupidity, (and, I must honestly state that there were several committee members who frankly told me that they never wanted anything to do with it), is this.
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING OF?
Bill Moore
THE OUTSPOKEN SPORTSMAN.